heavymuffintop:

stingyqueens:

heavymuffintop:

tangledupinlace:

Everyone, my sweet sweet lover is in A LOT of pain and it doesn’t seem any of our accessible remedies are going to work. I am beyond worried and at a loss of what to do next. There is a lot of shame in asking for help. So please know we wouldn’t be doing this if we had another way out. Knowing we have had the support of our community far and wide during this process has been a truly beautiful experience. Thank you everyone for all of the love and support!
I know there is so much going on in the world and so much need. If you can and you’re giving with an open heart, we’d really be so appreciate of any help you can give. 
THIS IS THE LINK TO OUR GO FUND ME PAGE
thank you again <3 <3

guh I H8 that we have to do this and I’m having a lot of class shame but I’m also in so much pain and just want this fixed so whatever! I got some shotty dental care a few years ago and its left me a with a lot of dental problems. Our natural remedies are no longer working.  Please donate if you can, or signal boost. Thank you so much loves. I really appreciate it. 

I’ve been following these two folks for a good long while. I have never met them and probably never will, but I love seeing posts from either of them pop up on my dashboard — they are both insightful, sweet, powerful, delightful and they fill me with hope and inspiration that has more than once carried me through a bad day.
Consider giving a little, if you can.

oh my goddess this is so incredibly sweet. I am fully blown away by the deep love and support that is happening. we are almost half way there! I am so excited to no longer be in pain! 

If you are a Heavy Petter who wants to help Majestic get some vital preventative dental care please consider donating! 

heavymuffintop:

stingyqueens:

heavymuffintop:

tangledupinlace:

Everyone, my sweet sweet lover is in A LOT of pain and it doesn’t seem any of our accessible remedies are going to work. I am beyond worried and at a loss of what to do next. There is a lot of shame in asking for help. So please know we wouldn’t be doing this if we had another way out. Knowing we have had the support of our community far and wide during this process has been a truly beautiful experience. Thank you everyone for all of the love and support!

I know there is so much going on in the world and so much need. If you can and you’re giving with an open heart, we’d really be so appreciate of any help you can give. 

THIS IS THE LINK TO OUR GO FUND ME PAGE

thank you again <3 <3

guh I H8 that we have to do this and I’m having a lot of class shame but I’m also in so much pain and just want this fixed so whatever! I got some shotty dental care a few years ago and its left me a with a lot of dental problems. Our natural remedies are no longer working.  Please donate if you can, or signal boost. Thank you so much loves. I really appreciate it. 

I’ve been following these two folks for a good long while. I have never met them and probably never will, but I love seeing posts from either of them pop up on my dashboard — they are both insightful, sweet, powerful, delightful and they fill me with hope and inspiration that has more than once carried me through a bad day.

Consider giving a little, if you can.

oh my goddess this is so incredibly sweet. I am fully blown away by the deep love and support that is happening. we are almost half way there! I am so excited to no longer be in pain! 

If you are a Heavy Petter who wants to help Majestic get some vital preventative dental care please consider donating! 

parlefeu:

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.

When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.

Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing her to go deeper into her depression. Help your loved one keep her body healthy, and her mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.

 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.

If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.

Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.

Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.

Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of herself. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.

Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.

A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.

Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

(via The Darling Bakers)

YES!

(via welookoutuponthesea)

deviantfemme:

Great article and such a deliciously awesome subject.

(via fuckyeahfatdykes)

Qualities of a Good Friend

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Respectful; is interested in your point of view

2. Caring and considerate

3. Understanding and supportive

4. Encouraging and affirming

5. Doesn’t belittle or put your down

6. Co-operative, adaptive and flexible

7. Willing to negotiate and compromise

8. Able to discuss disagreements openly; values honest communication

9.  Can admit when they are wrong, and are willing to apologise

10. Wants the best for you; isn’t threatened by your achievements and successes.

(via teenytinychild)

postcutearchives:

Rising Up Without Burning Out

(via pretty-corny)

sexxxisbeautiful:

selfcareafterrape:

For the purpose of this piece, please understand that I am using relationship to mean ‘prolonged human coexistence’ it could be an abusive friendship, an abusive parent, an abusive member of your community.
1. Abusive relationships almost always have honeymoon periods.
Which means some, maybe even a lot, of your memories of said abuser may be good memories.
And you may miss those parts of them.
Missing the ‘good’ parts of them, loving the good parts of them even, does not excuse the bad things they did to you.
It doesn’t make it better, or not as bad, since sometimes you laughed and had fun. It doesn’t change the fact that they were, or still are, abusive.
2. Abusers are, by nature, manipulative.
They’ll gaslight you- make you feel as if you’re the one who abused them. Abusers know that when they make their victims feel as if they’re the ones who did wrong- the person usually feels guilty. And in feeling guilty they usually double up on the ‘If I loved you enough/behaved enough this wouldn’t bother me/you wouldn’t do this’ mantra that a lot of survivors have.
They make you feel like you deserve what they did to you. That they’re the good guys really, in the whole situation. They were punishing you so that you could learn- and thus become a better person.
All of these things are wrong though. It isn’t true. They were not the good guys. But the fact that you sometimes, you have conflicted feelings- because you began to believe them- believe that you deserved those things…. it doesn’t change the terrible reality of what abuse is.
and it doesn’t make what happened to you less significant.
3. Stockholm Syndrome/Traumatic Bonding
Traumatic bonding is “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.” 
In abuse- especially in those who went through traumatic bonding or suffer from Stockholm syndrome… there is a lot of denial that the bad things are going on. 
When going through these things… people cling to whatever small ‘kindness’ that they can find. They often truly care for their abusers, partially in an attempt to make the bad things not as bad, or happen less.
Bonds like that can be hard to break. It is not your fault for struggling.
4. You feel like you owe(d) them.
A lot of abusive relationships start off with abusers doing really nice things. And then calling in ‘debts’. This kind of goes along with the honey moon phase stuff- but not always. This may be more extreme than just a honeymoon phase.
These are people who step in and ‘fix’ situations (some legitimate- some not) in order to call on it later and be like, “well, I mean.. I did do soandso for you.”
Looking back on these events, you may still feel a lot of gratitude. That doesn’t change the rest of what happened.
5. You were made to believe that it was as good as it gets.
This is usually done in a combination. First, they insult you. Try to ruin your concept of self-worth as much as possible. Remind you that no one will ever love you.
and then they step in and say that its okay because they’ll always be there. That no one will ever love you like they loved you.
It can be very hard to change these thoughts. They work very hard to make us believe them. It is not your fault that you are struggling to fix the wreckage they left.
6. You were young.
Children do not always realize that sexual touch is wrong. Especially when abusers tell them that its okay. That its their special secret. That its a prize for good behavior.
You are not at fault for having believed those things- and for occasionally slipping back into that mindset. It is not your fault that felt special as a child, and thus your memories are ‘positive’. 
You are not broken.
———
Having positive memories of your abuser, missing parts of what they were to you, even loving them…
does not mean you are wrong. it doesn’t make what they did okay.
You are trying to heal from a terrible thing, and no one can fault you for where you are at on your journey.
Having conflicted feelings does not make you wrong, it just makes you human.

Wow yea I needed to read this tonight. Thank you.

sexxxisbeautiful:

selfcareafterrape:


For the purpose of this piece, please understand that I am using relationship to mean ‘prolonged human coexistence’ it could be an abusive friendship, an abusive parent, an abusive member of your community.

1. Abusive relationships almost always have honeymoon periods.


Which means some, maybe even a lot, of your memories of said abuser may be good memories.

And you may miss those parts of them.

Missing the ‘good’ parts of them, loving the good parts of them even, does not excuse the bad things they did to you.

It doesn’t make it better, or not as bad, since sometimes you laughed and had fun. It doesn’t change the fact that they were, or still are, abusive.

2. Abusers are, by nature, manipulative.


They’ll gaslight you- make you feel as if you’re the one who abused them. Abusers know that when they make their victims feel as if they’re the ones who did wrong- the person usually feels guilty. And in feeling guilty they usually double up on the ‘If I loved you enough/behaved enough this wouldn’t bother me/you wouldn’t do this’ mantra that a lot of survivors have.

They make you feel like you deserve what they did to you. That they’re the good guys really, in the whole situation. They were punishing you so that you could learn- and thus become a better person.

All of these things are wrong though. It isn’t true. They were not the good guys. But the fact that you sometimes, you have conflicted feelings- because you began to believe them- believe that you deserved those things…. it doesn’t change the terrible reality of what abuse is.

and it doesn’t make what happened to you less significant.

3. Stockholm Syndrome/Traumatic Bonding


Traumatic bonding is “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.” 

In abuse- especially in those who went through traumatic bonding or suffer from Stockholm syndrome… there is a lot of denial that the bad things are going on. 

When going through these things… people cling to whatever small ‘kindness’ that they can find. They often truly care for their abusers, partially in an attempt to make the bad things not as bad, or happen less.

Bonds like that can be hard to break. It is not your fault for struggling.

4. You feel like you owe(d) them.


A lot of abusive relationships start off with abusers doing really nice things. And then calling in ‘debts’. This kind of goes along with the honey moon phase stuff- but not always. This may be more extreme than just a honeymoon phase.

These are people who step in and ‘fix’ situations (some legitimate- some not) in order to call on it later and be like, “well, I mean.. I did do soandso for you.”

Looking back on these events, you may still feel a lot of gratitude. That doesn’t change the rest of what happened.

5. You were made to believe that it was as good as it gets.


This is usually done in a combination. First, they insult you. Try to ruin your concept of self-worth as much as possible. Remind you that no one will ever love you.

and then they step in and say that its okay because they’ll always be there. That no one will ever love you like they loved you.

It can be very hard to change these thoughts. They work very hard to make us believe them. It is not your fault that you are struggling to fix the wreckage they left.

6. You were young.


Children do not always realize that sexual touch is wrong. Especially when abusers tell them that its okay. That its their special secret. That its a prize for good behavior.

You are not at fault for having believed those things- and for occasionally slipping back into that mindset. It is not your fault that felt special as a child, and thus your memories are ‘positive’. 

You are not broken.

———

Having positive memories of your abuser, missing parts of what they were to you, even loving them…

does not mean you are wrong. it doesn’t make what they did okay.

You are trying to heal from a terrible thing, and no one can fault you for where you are at on your journey.

Having conflicted feelings does not make you wrong, it just makes you human.

Wow yea I needed to read this tonight. Thank you.

(via pearlsnapbutton)

yoursecretary:

page 14 from the worst: A Compilation Zine on Grief and Loss.  Talks about radical response to death and loss, + how to support someone who is grieving. (click image to go to printable pdf)
[image description: a cut n paste zine page from the worst #1: A Compilation Zine on Grief and Loss. Text reads:
“Circle what you think you might need:
for me to come and hold you
for me to stay outside your door but play you some music
for me to play music for you inside your room
for me to ask you questions
for me to just be near and be silent
for me to hold your hand while you call your other family
to talk about the rest of the family
to go outside and scream
to talk about anything but this death
to get away from here
go to a movie
distraction
acknowledgment
some kind of ceremony
to get the rest of the roommates out of the house
to get the rest of the roommates to stop giving you uncomfortable looks
to get people to stop trying to cheer you up
to tell everyone else that this is the anniversary day
to tell you that all the mixed things you feel are okay
to tell you the things i love about you
to tell you that this is the worst thing you’ll ever know
to tell you that i want to know everything. it is not a burden.
circle what you think you might need. or write more. i want to be here for you. i want to be your friend”.]

yoursecretary:

page 14 from the worst: A Compilation Zine on Grief and Loss.  Talks about radical response to death and loss, + how to support someone who is grieving. (click image to go to printable pdf)

[image description: a cut n paste zine page from the worst #1: A Compilation Zine on Grief and Loss. Text reads:

“Circle what you think you might need:

  • for me to come and hold you
  • for me to stay outside your door but play you some music
  • for me to play music for you inside your room
  • for me to ask you questions
  • for me to just be near and be silent
  • for me to hold your hand while you call your other family
  • to talk about the rest of the family
  • to go outside and scream
  • to talk about anything but this death
  • to get away from here
  • go to a movie
  • distraction
  • acknowledgment
  • some kind of ceremony
  • to get the rest of the roommates out of the house
  • to get the rest of the roommates to stop giving you uncomfortable looks
  • to get people to stop trying to cheer you up
  • to tell everyone else that this is the anniversary day
  • to tell you that all the mixed things you feel are okay
  • to tell you the things i love about you
  • to tell you that this is the worst thing you’ll ever know
  • to tell you that i want to know everything. it is not a burden.

circle what you think you might need. or write more. i want to be here for you. i want to be your friend”.]

(via hotgothmom)


Jenny holzer In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy.

Jenny holzer
In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy.

(Source: euo, via horrorproportions)

"

THE WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE

  1. He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners.
  2. He is disrespectful toward you.
  3. He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable.
  4. He is controlling.
  5. He is possessive.
  6. Nothing is ever his fault.
  7. He is self-centered.
  8. He pressures you for sex.
  9. He gets serious too quickly about the relationship.
  10. He intimidates you when he’s angry.
  11. He has double standards.
  12. He has negative attitudes toward women.
  13. He treats you differently around other people.
  14. He appears to be attracted to vulnerability.
"

excerpt from the book Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

Putting this out there for a couple of reasons.

One, for those who may suspect they’re in an abusive situation, this book was written by a therapist for abusive and controlling men, and there’s some good insight on how these men’s actions ripple outward to affect their partners and children.

Two, because the myth of the Male Virgin’s Justified Anger is garbage. These are not men who suddenly turned violent against women as a result of repeated (real or perceived) rejection. These are not men who would cast aside their poisonous ideology were they to enter a relationship. These are abusers who didn’t have the opportunity to abuse within a committed relationship, and instead released their poison on strangers.

 

(via crankyskirt)

the full book is (at least right now) available as a PDF here.

(via isabelthespy)

(via resistdestruction)